Can You Tell Me the Way?
by Two Ladies of Quality
Summary: It's a bad day for puppets on Sesame Street property of CTW


Bad Day on Sesame Street

The camera focuses on a dapper frog in a trench coat and fedora, holding a microphone. The frog looks grim.

Kermit: Kermit the Frog, here, reporting from Sesame Street, where tragedy has befallen. We're standing in front of the building where long-time residents Bert and Ernie live--or, where they used to live. We go now to Maria, who was the first on the scene.

Pan to a young Hispanic woman, obviously in shock

Maria: It's horrible, I've known them so long, I can't believe what I found up there.

Kermit: Can you tell the viewers what you found, Maria?

Maria: I--I knocked on their door because everyone was worried. They always show up for lunch, at least. Their door wasn't locked, and I peeked in and--so horrible--stuffing everywhere . . .

The camera leaves Maria and focuses on Kermit

Kermit: Yes, a tragic scene on Sesame Street. But there are more terrors in this friendly neighborhood, because _Kermit leans toward the camera_ no one knows how this tragedy happened. And this isn't the only mystery. Cookie Monster and Grover have not been seen in two days, and people are reluctant to come out at night.

Kermit approaches a dented garbage can with the lid firmly in place

Kermit: Some long-time residents have barricaded themselves in their homes. _Knocks on top of can_ Oscar? Oscar the Grouch?

from inside can: Go away!

Kermit: Oscar, Kermit the Frog, here, for Sesame Street News. Would you tell us what you think is going on?

Oscar: No! Go away! I'm not comin' out until it's over!

Kermit: Until what's over, Oscar?

Oscar: Ask Ernie! Ask the Bird! Go away!

Kermit: _sighing_ Yes, fear and suspicion are running rampant on our quiet, happy street. Ask the Bird, he says. Where is Big Bird? I haven't seen him all day.

singing comes from off camera. The camera tracks around to show a woman in a lacy dress dancing down the street

Kermit: Oh, someone new. Perhaps she knows something. Hello, miss. Kermit the Frog, here, for Sesame Street News. What's your name?

The woman smiles, swaying and humming: My name's Drusilla. You're very green.

Kermit: Yes, I am. looks towards the camera, then back Miss Drusilla, when did you first come to Sesame Street?

Drusilla: Oh, it's been lovely days and nights. The stars are fuzzy here, did you know? You're fuzzy, too. You're all fuzzy, inside and out. It tickles.

Kermit: Not all of us are fuzzy. Everyone is welcome on Sesame Street.

Drusilla: _laughs happily_ Yes, I know, such nice fuzzy people, making me welcome wherever I want to go. Spike told me you weren't real, that I couldn't come to Sesame Street, but, sh-h, I found the way.

Kermit: Miss Drusilla, do you have any idea what's happening to the people who live here?

Drusilla: Mm-hm. I know. _reaches up to mouth and pulls out a bright yellow feather_ It's been oh so nice visiting here. But I do wish my Spike was here, he knows such lovely games. _sighs_

Kermit: _staring at feather that has drifted to ground_ Um, Miss Drusilla, that's a very pretty feather. Where did you get it?

Drusilla: _puts up her arms and pirouettes down the street_ We were playing Tag. Mr. Snuffalupagus was It, and I let him catch me, then I caught the pretty, bright, yellow Bird, but he's not It. He can't run anymore. 'Run, run, as fast as you can, can't catch me . . .' _stops and looks at Kermit_ I'm still It. Would you like to play Tag, Kermit the Frog?

Kermit: _gulps and starts to back away _Tha--that's very kind, Miss Drusilla, but I think I need to get back to the station now. _familiar out-of-tune singing comes down the street behind him_ Elmo! You might not want to come over here, Elmo.

Elmo: Hello, Kermit! Elmo is having a wonderful day!

Kermit: _watching Drusilla, who has stopped dancing but is still humming as she watches_ Elmo, go get help. I think Miss Drusilla had something to do with Bert and Ernie.

Elmo: Oh, no, Drusilla wouldn't do that. _bounces over to Drusilla, takes her hand, and leans against her hip_ Drusilla is Elmo's friend. She's been telling Elmo the most wonderful stories.

Kermit: _gulping again_ Elmo, I think you should get away from her now.

Elmo: _sighs and looks up at Drusilla_ Elmo's sorry about this, Drusilla. But Elmo likes you.

Drusilla: And I like you, too. _leans down and kisses the top of Elmo's head_

Kermit: _whispering_ Elmo, not everybody is your friend. I know that's hard to believe, but I think she's the one who hurt Bert and Ernie.

Elmo: _begins to hop angrily up and down_ Drusilla didn't eat Bert and Ernie! Stop blaming Drusilla! _Elmo's face changes, his eyes go yellow, and fangs appear_ Elmo did it! Elmo was hungry and didn't want to listen to Bert and Ernie any more!

Kermit: _shaking too hard to talk_

Drusilla: _leans down as her face changes too_ I don't think I want to listen to Froggy anymore. _pulls another yellow feather out of her mouth_ But I'm all full.

Elmo: _sighs_ Elmo all full, too. But we can play with Kermit anyway, can't we, Drusilla, please?

Drusilla: Of course we can.

Kermit turns and runs away screaming. Elmo gives a huge sigh and shrug

Elmo: Kermit ran away._ Laughs and bounces_ Elmo knows! Do you know the Count? _Drusilla shakes her head_ You'll like the Count. Come on.

Elmo takes Drusilla's hand and leads her away

cue ominous music, scroll text in all-caps

**Carnage on Sesame Street!**

**Day 2**

Kermit the Frog is looking less dapper. In the background we hear hysterical muppet laughter

Kermit: It's day two of terror here on Sesame Street. Drusilla and Elmo are still stalking the neighborhood, singing songs and taking names. The trail of spilled stuffing in their wake is horrible to see. The list of missing presumed dead includes Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Grover, Bert and Ernie and others. Others are still in hiding, barring their doors and resisting all attempts to reach them.

Cue blurry footage of Drusilla and Elmo standing at Oscar's garbage can

Elmo: _knocking on lid_ Come out, Oscar!

Oscar: No way, you pointy-toothed freak!

Elmo: _shocked_ Oscar! That was mean!

Oscar: Are you or are you not going to eat me if I stick my head out of this can?

Elmo: Um, well . . . No, Elmo won't!

Oscar: I don't believe you!

Elmo: _pouting_ Are you calling Elmo a liar?

Oscar: Yeah!

Drusilla: _hugging the little red vampire puppet_ It's all right, love, Drusilla will think of some way to get the mean old grouch out of his can.

Elmo: _kicks Oscar's can_ Meanie!

Oscar: When will you people get it through your heads that I'm--wait, I think I've got the wrong script . . .

Drusilla: _tugging on Elmo's paw_ Let's go see if we can find the froggie. He looked tasty.

Elmo: Yeah! Let's go eat Kermit!

As they start away, Elmo begins to sing "Rubber Ducky"

New voice off camera: No! I have been through enough of this _happy singing birds block out the next few words _while I've been like this, and I will be _happy singing birds_ if I'm going to listen to that _happy etc._ song!

Drusilla: Daddy?

Elmo: Drusilla's daddy is here?

camera turns to show Puppet!Angel stalking down Sesame Street, scarred and scowling and with a broadsword over his shoulder

Elmo: Drusilla! Your daddy's a puppet!

Puppet!Angel: _swings sword off shoulders and points it at Elmo_ Don't you start, you fuzzy abomination!

Drusilla: _claps hands_ Daddy! My daddy's a dolly, just like Miss Edith!

Puppet!Angel: _points sword at Drusilla_ I can take care of you, too, young lady, don't think I can't!

Druslla: Promise?

A shot of baa-ing, frolicking lambs takes over the picture for the next few seconds as Sesame Street's inherent naughtiness filters take over

Elmo: _shaking head and staring at the grinning Drusilla_ Elmo didn't understand that at all.

Puppet!Angel: _looking uncomfortable_ No, Drusilla, you cannot check to make sure all the parts are here. Sheesh, and I thought Spike had a twisted brain. _shakes himself_ Anyway! I'm here to stop you two from wreaking any more havoc on these poor innocent people.

Elmo: _pouting_ Elmo doesn't like you, Drusilla's Daddy! Elmo is having fun! And Elmo is going to sing Ernie's song! "Rubber ducky--"

Puppet!Angel: No singing! _Runs forward, sword swinging_

Fluffy, frolicking lambs and happy, singing birds. When the picture comes back, Puppet!Angel is standing in the middle of Sesame Street surrounded by stuffing and red fluff. He's in game face and grinning

Puppet!Angel:_ looks at sword, which has bits of red fluff sticking to it_ Much better!

Drusilla: Daddy killed Elmo!

Puppet!Angel: Daddy did more than kill Elmo, Daddy frappeed Elmo. _glares at Drusilla_ Drusilla, you've been a bad girl. _Drusilla claps her hands in delight_ No, not like that! Stop that!

Drusilla: _batting eyelashes_ Daddy's not going to punish me?

Puppet!Angel: Uh . . . yes--no! Stop that!

Drusilla: _smiling and sauntering towards Puppet!Angel_ But if I've been bad, then I have to be punished.

Puppet!Angel: Bad Drusilla!

Fluffy lambs and happy birds for quite a long time

picture comes back to Kermit, who looks very shocked

Kermit: Well, I think the problem is over. Sesame Street News advises residents, though, to stay off the street for a bit longer, though. It may be a while before we can get everything, um, cleaned up. This is Kermit the Frog, reporting from Sesame Street!


End file.
